It is hardly something you can forget if it has happened to you, why not share it with the rest of us, so we can laugh and learn.
In June of 2017, it had been six months since I finished NYSC, had my hopes of NOT returning to my parent’s house dashed and that I took a low-paying teaching job just to save some dignity.
The girl I’d been sleeping with upon my return from service wanted to know my house and make it real or call it quits because she was 27.
We ended the thing. So I’d been horny for two months, before deciding that real love was the way to go; I started talking to my crush.
Then it happened. One of my more affluent friends was visiting Legon through Accra for some gig and wanted to do a proper send-off for himself, so he asked one other friend and myself to pick a date that would become epic. And it was epic; just not in a good way.
The day started like any other. I prepared my lecture notes, got to school, flirted with the female teachers, delivered my lectures and left the school at 2pm; knowing full well I would have a date with my crush and hook up with the boys at the hotel later.
I changed my shirt at home, put another in the bag and left for my date. She was an intelligent, classy Muslim girl who was surprisingly chatty. I knew right then that we would have a future together. I was in love, but nobody told me being in love precluded me from having sex with someone else.
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During my conversations with the bikeman, he learnt I was going to pull an all-nighter at the hotel. So he suggested hooking me up with some Kwara Poly girls. I laughed, thanked him, and told him my friends had covered that front adequately. That was my first bad decision of the day. Our three rooms were on the same floor, so we converged in the traveller’s room to share condoms, drink drinks, order and eat food.
After this, the three girls my friends had ordered for came in. Being the youngest of the trio, and the last to join the party, they had the privilege of picking first. And second.
The remnant was a yellow, Yoruba girl in miniskirt that had shades on at 8:40pm. So I thought, “eh, this one get swag o”. We talked for a bit where I learnt my friend had covered the bill and I was eager to put his money to good use. So I took three cans of Heineken out of the fridge along with my Andre Rose, took my room’s key and headed there with my girl(AY) for the night. That’s when the night took a bad turn.
We got inside, turned on the light, and I changed into shorts. I got into bed and waited for AY as she took a shower. She came back out in her night gown and her shade!
“Ah, abi this one is mad ni?!” I remember I thought.
As she got into bed beside me and started rubbing my narrow chest, I took off the shades and got the shock of my life. This girl practically had one functioning eye. “Ah, modaran!!”.
As a good Muslim, I didn’t want to focus on the negatives since I was not putting my penis in her eyes, so I quickly dimmed the light. But I was far from happy.
We drank a can of the beer each and I opened the poor-man Champagne, sipped a bit and put it back on the dresser. At 9:15, she gave me a handjob for less than two minutes, took off her nightie, slid down the bed and took my dick in her mouth (still filled with Andre). The fizzy drink tickled my erect dick and she immediately grabbed the condom.
I told her she should continue with the build-up and also told her I had a medical condition that always delayed my ejaculation, but she laughed it off and told me she would make me cum and I’d sleep off for the rest of the night.
I knelt between her legs and I saw the look of apprehension on her face. She told me she never expected a dick of that magnitude from a slim person like me. I put it in and she did those exaggerated moans that sex workers do in order to make their clients cum quickly.
ALSO READ: His mum found us while I was riding him shamelessly moaning, I wanted to vanish!
I smiled and pitied the lady. She closed her legs after she complained that I had been going too deep.
I parted them with my knees and held them there. The two-month recess and frustration came to fore and I started fucking her with animalistic fury. She bargained with me and told me she would like to be on top. I had no objections.
So I lay on the bed, she changed the condom and sat on it. She moved gingerly as I lazily fondled her breasts, hoping to ejaculate this time around, because I don’t always cum when having sex. I was not close to cumming, so I grabbed her waist, turned her on her stomach and knelt behind her in one swift movement.
I started pumping and after a few minutes, my powerful strokes took us both from the edge of the bed till her head was banging the headboard. Her thighs started shaking and she asked me in Yoruba to cum. I grabbed my phone on the dresser and saw that the time was 10:01pm. So I pulled out, flushed the condom and took a shower.
She laid spread-eagle on the bed, pussy in the air and all. I got in bed with my erection still standing and lay on my back. After 10 minutes, she stealthily grabbed her phone and shined the light on my face, and she screamed “ah, won’t you sleep!”. I laughed as she told me she had stomach aches. She also said I should only fuck married women with my kind of dick. I just kept on laughing.
I knew I had unbelievable stamina for someone so lean. I wanted to leave her for the rest of the night, but I was a good Muslim, and consequently couldn’t let my friend’s money go to waste. So I told AY I needed to go again. I could see a look of discomfort on her face but you can never trust these ladies and I was of the opinion she was faking it. So I wore my condom and playfully flicked at her pussy lips until I felt some slippery wetness at my fingertips.
I picked up her legs, pressed her thighs into her stomach, with her calves resting on my shoulders; I pressed my palms either side of her head and started pounding the frustration of poverty into her quavering pussy.
After a few (admittedly wicked) strokes, this girl used all her might to push me off of her and ran towards the door. I was shocked. What had I done?
That was when she reached for her phone and called her boss (who was with my friend in the other room). She squatted on the floor and held her tummy while breathing through clenched teeth. I was very worried, so I moved towards her to ask what was wrong. She grabbed the empty bottle of Andre and yelled at me in pidgin while looking at my penis:
“If that thing near me, walahi I go cut am comot”
Nawa o.
Thankfully, a knock at the door diffused the tension. I wore my short and opened the door for my friend and his own girl for the night (AY’s boss). She put on her nightgown curled on the bed. I felt like a killer. Her friend’s questions didn’t help either:
“Aha, bros, my friend say you wan kill am”
“Haba bros, and when person see you, dem no go know say you carry”
My friend looked at me and burst into an unfortunate laugh.
Then the girl started narrating:
“…I gave him blowjob, I gave him handjob, I sat on it, I did everything, but he still didn’t cum.” Her friend handed her some pills for her ache and she swallowed them with water.
My friend pulled me aside and said the girl might cause a scene if we stayed in the room together till morning. So he paid her and she got dressed. Her friend also pulled me aside and apologized for everything before adding
“but AY strong o, you be horse egbon”. I laughed it off. So, at 11:06, AY thanked my friend for rescuing her and added that his own children will meet with people that will do them favours too. If you hear that kind of prayer in Yoruba, you’ll either laugh or cry.
Before she left, she vowed that meeting a dick like mine was her cue to leave ashawo work and establish a business. With that, she left. I escorted my friend back to his room and on the balcony, our third friend came out in his towel, smiling like an imbecile. My other friend gave him the gist and they both said “sorry bro” before going back into their respective rooms to enjoy the rest of their nights.
With my unfortunate penis between my legs, I sauntered off to my room at 11:31pm. I was not a happy man. In retrospect though, I knew that if my problematic penis didn’t put me in jail, it would make me successful one day. One day!
Story by CQ
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