Written by Funke Ajomale
His movie finally ended, he led my hand and started to kiss them like he’s life depended on it. I tried to withdraw when he looked up and held my waist and placed his head on my tummy, kissed my belly button. I was only messing with you, he said.
Stop sulking like a child, he continued. He got on his feet hugging me tight, his hard body pressed against me , he lifted me and tossed me on the bed , kneeled close, slipped his finger into my vagina and used his thumb on my clit, he stroke them in a certain way , neither fast or slow, my nipples stood and I had goose bumps all over .
It made me want him more, I was addicted to this devil, his touches, he knew how to get me. He tongue tickled my nipples as he sucked on them, he bit them slightly to make me moan. We had not made love in weeks and I thought this was it, yes he might be getting his senses back.
He got his mouth off my nipples and looked at me like he was about to kiss me , he paused and said with a smack , I think I like your blow jobs better. Every joy in me died, I could not recover from this, this was worse than the usual way he had been shagging me.
I would rather him just bend me over like he used to. I was too weak to utter any word or go down on him like he asked.
His phone rang , that was my saviour .
Sorry I have to take this, we would continue later, he said and got off me , went to pee and left the room. I couldn’t hold back anymore, I was done, the tears flowed like an opened dam .
I buried my face in the sheets and cried as much as I could.
He had been gone thirty minutes; I went down to see why the food had not come up yet. I found him with some lady eating and laughing hard. I couldn’t be bothered; nothing he did shocked me anymore.
She was pale skinned like she bleached, had a lot of breast and no hips or bum. She stood from the table to hug me. I wanted to lean back but there was really no point for such.
You must be the girl friend, he talks about you a lot, she said with her thick igbo accent . I was used to that line. It’s what side chics said to cover their tracks when they meet the main chic.
Your boyfriend is really nice you know, he loaned me his car for the week, that’s what I brought back. Hope you don’t mind me intruding on your dinner. She continued, No its fine, I am glad he was able to be of help. I replied.
“I’m Cynthia”, she said.
“Ada, its really nice to meet. I have to run back up to finish up what I was doing I am sure Mike would be of great company “, I replied .
He looked at me and smiled with a corner of his mouth. I nodded and excused myself.
I needed to leave, looked at the clock and saw it was too late to go anywhere , it would just be dramatic to leave at 9pm, I am not a keen church goer so I can’t even say I have to be at church , besides what stops me from going from here.
I took to my fate and passed another night and this time I wasn’t going to let him get to me. I don’t have a lot of friends and the few I kept I hate to bother with my problems , It was too late to call Isa, I don’t want him to get into trouble with his wife.
I guess keeping a lot to myself was what got me here, I am my friend and confidant. I’m not even a TV fan but I am going to have to make it my buddy and have a good laugh. I turned on the TV and behold it was comedy central. I laughed so hard and even cried harder, I laughed to even the driest jokes.
I laughed so hard I stared making excuses for him, maybe he was going through a phase and was taking it out on me. People don’t just go from darlings to demons , people stay darlings or go from demons to darling, at least that’s what I wanted to think.
The only thing he had not done was hit me with his bare hands, but then the torture and pain from his words could win a war , he had no mercy whatsoever, if I wasn’t useless, flat-chested , unsexy , I was daft or an opportunist like every other girl .
If I asked for anything, be it a ride home from work, I would pay with sex, even if we had to do it in the car I had become his prostitute but with a gold all access tag.
The last time he was kind to me was a year ago and it was the third year since we started dating. This is the fourth year and its been hell. I thought long and hard for where I went wrong, nothing made sense. I slept off watching TV.
I woke up still on the floor and the TV on, which means he came and didn’t bother to wake me or he didn’t come back up at all. I went down to the living room to see if he was there, but the house seemed empty. I was going back up when I noticed the guest room was opened, walked close to see if he had slept there but found the sheets on the bed rumpled and a durex wrapper on the floor. I felt raped , like my whole world came crashing. I was just a few steps and he did this much. You don’t have to physically and forcefully have sex with a person to rape them, I don’t even think the process of the un-consented sex is the rape, I think it’s the after effect of the trust and innocence you forcefully steal from them.
I didn’t even bother to change or look decent , I packed all that was mine and left, didn’t mind if I had to do a long trek to the taxi park.
I was done , no more excuses , no more ropes to pull.
The things is we stay in abusive relationships cause we choose to, be it with our family, work, friends, or loves.
We all can walk away!
I was in this, this long because I choose to, because I was in love, I could have stood my grounds and avoided a lot of disrespect to my mind and body but I choose to be a slave to love. I don’t deserve any of this, no one does. I like to think life’s a rhythm that changes a lot and you have to dance or move to the rhythm been played. You stop when it stops and change when it changes.
I should have given him space and not run to him when he calls , all of this is what we Nigerians like to call the law of see finish; meaning you know me too well, you have little or no regards for me. It was time to say “baby look up, you are now on solid ground “
Present day …..
He was at the door waiting to receive me, looking bubbly and all smiles like the first time we met, he ushered me in. it smelt fresh wasn’t sure what flower fresh it was but it smelt really nice.
He came close to hug and kiss me on the fore head, you look really nice, he said. Thanks, I replied coldly. There where candles and food on the table.
“Are you expecting people”, I asked. “No it’s just you”, he replied.
With my very best poker face I said to him….
Me: Ahhhhhgh! Wrong timing , I just came to see what you wanted , I am actually on my way to a party ( I lied)
Him: You go to parties? Do you want to come back when you are done?
Me: Nope, I just came to see if you needed me as usual, but it seems not. I have to leave now and I am not coming back, not after my party , not ever. We have had our fun and I feel its time to end the fun.
I kissed on the cheek lips and walked away. It felt like I was walking on air and Mozart was been played in the background.
Something caused my life to change, self worth is determined by we feel, not by how we allow the society to dedicate to us, after we broke up.
I’m not seeing anyone but I’m happy because I made a conscious decision to stop suffering, to put an end to the emotional torture, to be my own person, I feel sunshine on my face these days, Isa wants to know the secret to my new found happiness, I plan to shoot my own video for Pharrel Williams’ Happy because that is what I am now.
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