Written by Funke Ajomale
Tomorrow, I am going to get raped by the one I got passion for. Does this make me sad? Yes. Is this my fault? Yes. Do I sometimes enjoy it? Yes. Can I hold on any longer? No. These where the questions I asked myself and also answered myself.
It was 6:15, the sun was down and it was easy to find a taxi , even if I had to trek to the bus-stop to get one, the sun won’t wear me out, what would weigh me down more than this burden?
I sighed as I took a stroll from my street down to Herbert McCauley way, I needed to do some thinking and walking helps me, it eases the mind. I found a taxi with a/c , parked on the walk way. The driver seemed to be taking a nap or just waiting for a passenger to come by.
Me: Good evening sir, are you free to go?
Taxi man: Yesh mah, I’m free o. where you are going to?
Me: Ikoyi sir, banana island. Where am going to is Close off Nassarawa street. Do you know how to get there?
Taxi man: I don’t know that street o, but I know banana. When we reach, I go ask security people at the gate. (laughing as he talked ) Your monie naaaa N2000 o. You know say na A/c cab you enter and na big man place you they go.
Me: (In no mood to price as its meant to be N1,500) Okay, please lets go.
As we drove, I reflected on my ordeals. I had been with him from Friday evening after long day at work, adding that with my boss being a torn in my flesh all day.
My boss believed that as long as I was single, I should work like I was connected my wires and powered by solar or the wind.
Even machines and instrument breakdown, I can’t get a break or leave as its not to nurse a child or attend to my new husband. He had no joy what so ever, he never smiled or felt good about anything or anyone.
Even if you closed a multi million dollar deal, it was just as if you had scanned a mere document. It’s what you are getting paid for no ‘thank you’s or encouragement the only reason I was able to leave at 6pm on a Friday and not 9 or 10pm was because I had fainted while trying to get ready for a presentation with a new client on Monday.
I was by the copier when suddenly I felt dizzy and that was the last thing I remembered till they woke me up to tell me he (lover) was waiting to pick me.
I was in shock to hear he came to get me, I wondered who called him , then I remembered it had to be Isa, my work husband , he’s the only one who’s got my back at work and makes my work easy.
I guess it’s because I think he had or still has a crush on me sadly he had to marry an Hausa girl he randomly got pregnant. Permit my use of the word, random.
We got to his house at 7:30 pm after he picked me up at the office. After dinner I told him I needed to sleep because I still felt tired and weak. “Good then , I was hoping you won’t to go out with me to night, planed to hangout with just the boys tonight and they got some girls coming through” he said.
What an ass, I thought to myself, if I had not fainted I won’t be here let alone have you say trash to me.
“Have fun” I replied.
It was 4am, I noticed him drag his high self in , I moved closer to the edge so our bodies won’t touch and I wouldn’t have to get up to check up on him or help him with something. He liked to sleep naked, said it was an easy and fun way to initiate sex but this time he slept with his cloths on, as much as I didn’t want to tend to him, I wanted him to tend to my needs.
I needed him to hold me and wake me up kissing me from my neck to my earlobe, whisper my name while his hand finds its way to my breast and brushes his fingers against my nipples like he used to.
My body cried and yearned for his but the silence was golden. I moved closer so my legs could brush against his, but he turned away.
I knew it was best I let him be else it would be another episode of rants of how needy I had become.
We woke up to Saturday and it seemed normal again, he gave me a few chores to do for him, instruct the lady who comes to clean on weekends to clean the windows because she forgot to clean them last week, go to the market and store to do the grocery, he also wanted fresh fish and king prawns and a lot of fruits and vegetables and he didn’t want me to go with his cook, something about his cook billing him more than he should when he sends him to the market.
He went to the gym, I fixed myself some breakfast and took off to the market. On my way out, I looked at the key rack and found it was empty, he couldn’t have taken two cars out. I called him to ask for the key and he quietly told me to please find an alternative. I didn’t need to ask further questions if I didn’t want to be insulted, I found an alternative as he prescribed.
I got back all tired and in dire need of a shower, my feet felt heavy from walking round the mall and market. I had paid the fare and asked the cook to get the grocery from the cab. I walked straight to the bedroom like a puppet, found him in the room watching a movie and munching on something , I didn’t care to look at what it was.
Me: Hey, how did you day go?
Him: Better than yours I presume, you look used.
Me: Well, have been used by you today.
Him: hmmm well, to be a wife or a woman, going to the market is part of the majors.
The word wife made my heart leap, but hey it’s a word he uses to spite me lately so no biggy.
Me: Well, not after she’s fainted a day before and besides the market stresses everyone out.
Him: Whatever, please take a shower and come to daddy, down here needs down there.
My soul cringed and shrank at those words, why must he be like this, didn’t I just state I was tired , as much as I wanted too, my body won’t just let me and with the way I was feeling , I hoped to God I wasn’t pregnant.
I couldn’t be, we used condoms all the time. I can’t even be, not for him. He’s not the man I used to know, he’s not the nice, soft spoken and gentle romantic I fell in love with.
He stopped complimenting and insulted me at every instance he got, if he wasn’t comparing me with some random girl, it would be he sister or mum. We had sex only when he was in the mood, we spoke only when he felt like, we stopped going to public places and if we did and we found ourselves in the midst of his friends, I would have to introduce myself or chat with myself and If it seemed like we would be a while there, I would have to make a new friend or call Isa to see if he could stop by and be my chat buddy.
I walked out of the bathroom naked, didn’t need to cover up since he was in the mood and I still had some mood in me. He looked at me like I had some form of deformity. It has to your beauty or something that attracted me to you, he said. You have got no boobs, please throw on some cloths and see if dinner is ready, I am starving, he added laughing.
I took a deep breath and held my tongue back, I had taken too much of this and I had had enough, tears gathered but this was not the time to break down this was not the time to show any weakness. I needed to stay strong so he doesn’t think he’s got me wrapped around his fingers. His words ran down my spine like ice and made me feel so little. I reached for my phone to call the cook so I would avoid walking down the stairs and have to wear a smile to hide my pain.
My lips trembled as tried to speak, I found some strength to ask the cook to bring dinner up it was ready. I guess the cook heard the pain in my voice, as he was quick to say, “Sorry madam, please don’t mind my Oga, I would bring the food up as soon as I am done”.
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