My heart was pounding as I drove away. I had to remind myself to slow down, breathe deeply, and not speed so I don’t ram into someone. I didn’t know where I was going or what I would do next.
It almost made me laugh. “I have no idea what to do right now or with the rest of my life.”
At that moment, I was sure of two things. First, I still loved Chisom. Despite everything, I still loved her.
But the second thing was that I just couldn’t see how I could ever move past what she did. I had no idea how to stop feeling so angry and hurt that all I wanted to do was yell at her and make her cry.
How could I ever be intimate with her again? Even just thinking about kissing her, I heard her in my mind kissing Chike and saying things like, “God, it’s so big, and so hard, and so beautiful!” I pictured them in the shower together or hanging out at his apartment after sex, relaxing and looking forward to the next time.
She gave something very personal and private, which she had promised to share only with me, to another man. No matter what happens between us now, it will never be just mine again.
It was even clearer to me now that it wasn’t just the sex that really mattered. If she had just had that quick fling outside the club, I know I could have gotten over it. It would have made me really angry and hurt, but I could have moved on. And if I felt the need for revenge by having a quick fling with someone else, then Chisom would just have to deal with it.
The long relationship she had with Chisom, their closeness and intimacy over eight months, made the betrayal feel even worse and left me shocked.
And there was something else: the feeling of embarrassment from being tricked for so long. For eight months, my wife was happily having sex with me, sharing hugs and sweet words. Then she’d leave my bed and go do the same with another man. How could she not have thought of him sometimes when she was with me? How could she not have started to look down on me, knowing she had this secret and control over me?
That night, I had another nightmare, I was with Chisom in our bedroom. We were having sex, but suddenly our bed was on a stage in a big hall. People watched us and I felt pressured to please Chisom more. Then, a man interrupted us, saying time was up. He took me away as another man, Chike took my place with Chisom, who was more excited with him than she was with me. They had passionate sex while the audience cheered. After they finished, they left together, leaving me feeling left out and lonely on stage.
When I woke up, I felt upset and confused. After some bad dreams, it took me a moment to remember where I was and realize that it was all just a terrible dream. I went to take a shower to calm myself down.
When I got to work my friend Lanre intercepted me before I even reached my office. “Kunle, how far? Adaora and I don dey reason this matter. Make we yarn.”
He came into my office and shut the door. “Kunle, how you dey?”
I shook my head. “Thanks bro. I dey okay. I no too happy, but I dey manage.”
“I wan update you sef, Adaora bin follow Chisom talk last night, e fit be after you don comot for house. Dem bin get long talk, and Adaora dey reason if she fit join you for lunch so she fit yarn you everything wey dem talk.” Kunle said.
I thought for a minute. “No wahala bro. Make she block me by 12:30. You go like join us?”
“I no think so. I get the feeling say e go dey easier for Adaora to yarn with you when nobody dey there, even me sef.”
I thanked Kunle and then I concentrated on my work for the rest of the morning. When Adaora arrived, we went to a nearby eatery and placed our orders. Then, she leaned back and gazed at me.
“Kunle, I’m really sorry about what happened. I want to support you, but I don’t want to do anything that feels like I’m crossing a line or making things worse for you. Lanre and I care deeply about you and Chisom, and we’re both feeling really sad about what you’re going through.”
“Thanks, Adaora. I know you care about both of us, and I’m okay with you talking to Chisom. I’m upset with her, but I still love her. I don’t want her to lose her friends because of this.”
Adaora stopped for a moment and then asked, “Can I tell you what Chisom and I talked about last night?” I nodded.
“Well, Kunle, she’s really upset. One thing you might not know is that all this time, she was sure you’d never find out about what happened. She knew cheating was wrong, it was awful, Kunle! I don’t understand what she was thinking!” Her eyes showed anger, and I could tell she was mad at Chisom too. I appreciated Adaora for feeling that anger.
She justified her actions by believing you would never find out, so you wouldn’t be hurt. She never considered how discovering the affair would affect you. Your wife is intelligent, but she was incredibly stupid about this situation, I must say.
“So, to put it plainly, she has a lot of work to do to make things right. She feels very sorry and sad, knowing she hurt you deeply. She’s upset and scared that you left home, and she’s worried about the future of your marriage. But, Kunle, I don’t think she fully understands why this hurts you so much.”
As I thought about this, I glanced at Adaora while the waitress brought our food. An idea came to mind, so I decided to think about it later. “Well, that’s too bad, Adaora. Just too bad.”
“You guys should keep talking, Kunle. For your marriage to work, you both need to talk about everything, understand each other’s feelings, and try to find a way to resolve your issues and make up. Ignoring feelings of anger or guilt will only hurt your relationship in the long run, possibly leading to its end.”
“You’re probably right,” I said. “I’ve been thinking the same things. I’ll call Chisom and arrange another time to talk. Thanks, Adaora. Is there anything else she mentioned that I should know about?”
“Yes, Kunle, there are two main things. First, she loves you a lot and is very scared she’s lost you and that your marriage won’t last. She feels guilty, but she’s also hurting because you’re hurting.”
I had to close my eyes for a moment because the pain came back. I tried to smile at Adaora. “We both know why the man she loves is hurting, don’t we?” I tried to sound cheerful, but it didn’t really work.
Adaora took my hand and said softly, “Yes, Kunle, we both know.”
After a moment of silence, I asked, “What’s the second thing?”
“She’s ready to do anything to save your marriage, but she doesn’t know what to do. Kunle, if cutting off her left arm would help, she’d probably have the knife out already. But she doesn’t know what to do to make things right.”
I sighed. “Well, last night was a start. She probably told you, but she explained the whole affair to me: how it started, where and when they met, and so on. Hearing it was just as awful as I thought it would be, but at least now I know the truth.”
Adaora asked me another question. “Do you know what you want her to do now?”
“No, I have no idea. Like you said, she and I need to talk a lot. But beyond that, I don’t know what to do. I’ll tell you, Adaora, I’ve thought of doing some wild things: I could take a fancy vacation without her, I could have a fling, I could fight for custody of the kids when they come back from their holidays, or I could move away and get a new job, crazy stuff like that.
But they all seem like pointless ways to hurt her, and none of them really appeal to me.”
“I thought about you going out and hooking up with someone. No one would judge you if you did that.”
“I’m not sure why, but I just don’t feel like it. I don’t have any desire to sleep with anyone else at the moment. And of course, I not with Chisom either. I can’t even think about it without imagining her with Chike.”
Adaora wiped away a few tears. “I think maybe that’s one of the hardest parts, Kunle. Sex, which could be healing for a couple, ends up reopening old wounds.”
“Yeah,” I said, “and I don’t know if that will ever change. If we can’t solve that problem, our marriage won’t last.”
We stayed silent for a while, each lost in our own thoughts. I realized that what Adaora had said about Chisom aligned perfectly with what I had been thinking the night before. First, Chisom loved me just as I loved her. And second, neither of us knew how to overcome our current challenges, even though we both wanted to.
I paid the bill, and as we walked back from the restaurant, I told Adaora, “Thank you. You’re a great friend, and I really appreciate yours and Lanre’s support. You both have been amazing.”
“We just want you and Chisom to find happiness again. If there’s anything we can do to help, please tell us. Would you like to come over for dinner this weekend?”
“Thanks, I’ll call you guys and let you know.”
After we said goodbye, I returned to my office. There was a wrapped gift on my desk, similar in size to a small tissue box. I unwrapped it and discovered a small jack-in-the-box painted with colorful designs. I smiled and turned the crank.
Suddenly, with a loud “bang,” the lid flew open, revealing a clown head with a big smile. Attached to its neck with a thread was a note that said “Hang in There!”
I laughed, maybe for the first time in three weeks, and I saw Mrs. O’s smiling face peeking around the door, looking at me. “This is wonderful! Did you do this?” I asked her.
“Just a little something to cheer you up,” she answered.
“I really like it! I’m going to show this to everyone throughout the day!” I said happily. “I’m really grateful.”
I closed my office door. I played with my new gadget a few more times, hoping for good luck. Then, I called Chisom’s line. When she picked up, I said, “Hey, it’s me.”
“Hi, sweetheart,” she sounded happy to hear from me, but also cautious. I guess that wasn’t surprising, considering how I had left her last night.
“I had a nice chat with Adaora today,” I said. “Let’s meet up tonight and talk some more?”
“Sure,” she said, feeling less cautious. “Can I make dinner for you this time?”
“No, I don’t think I want to return home tonight. Come to my apartment instead. I’ll cook dinner.”
After a moment, she said, “Sure, baby, that sounds good!” I gave her the address and we decided to meet at 6:30. Then, without more talk, I said I had to return to work, and we said goodbye.
Written by Sixtie9ine
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