Women find it difficult to ask for what they want in explicit terms unless they're super comfortable with their partner
Don’t we all want to get better sex regardless of how good the sex we’re having is? It can vary from person to person, it can also be that you just want more head to be thrown into the sexual mix, it could be that you would like her to ride you more or vice versa.
Whatever it is, you want it to get more exciting and rewarding between you and your partner. Especially for women who have been programmed not to speak about sex. “Women find it difficult to ask for what they want in explicit terms unless they’re super comfortable with their partner,” says sex therapist Gloria Brame, Ph.D
Depending on whatever you’re looking to try out, the aim of it should be for it to make your sex hotter than before. Talking about it is important to the entire process. “If you can talk about this stuff, you can talk about all the other sensitive stuff in your lives,” says sexologist Kat Van Kirk Ph.D
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While all this is easy to say, Women’s Health magazine got experts on this to help explain step by step how to achieve this lofty goals.
Step 1: Figure out what you want
You have to know what you want, what is that sex thing that you’ve been curious about for a long time. Find out more about it, so you can better understand it. It’s impossible to give direction if you don’t know exactly what you want him to do, says Jill McDevitt Ph.D, resident sexologist at Swiss Navy lubricants.
Make sure to explore your own body to find out how you feel about, to also allow you to fantasize about it. On the other hand, if you’ve had a few things on your sexual bucket list that you just haven’t had the nerve to bring up, ask him to make a sexy wish list too, says Brame.
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“Most of us are not fully comfortable being spontaneous in bed, especially if we already have a pattern with our partner,” says Brame. Planning is a big part of it, Planning ahead is actually a smart way to evolve your sex life, she says.
Step 2: Start talking
After you’ve successfully done the step 1, figuring what the hell you want, its time you begin to have the conversation with your spouse, make your intentions clear, not a dumb one. Be nice even if it’s you asking for more blowjob or you want to use sex toys on her. If you want to discuss use toys on her, how about talking it to her about it and then taking her to a sex toy shop.
If you’re looking for an easy way to bring up the idea of using sex toys during sex, or just an easy way to bring up sex talk outside the bedroom, visit an adult toy store together and check out the goods. The vibrators, costumes, and other toys will definitely strike up a convo about what you like, says McDevitt.
If you’d rather wait until you’re in bed to reveal your sweet, sweet fantasy, tell your partner what feels good and what doesn’t as it’s happening. This takes some womaning-up for some gals, but giving real-time feedback and encouragement (even something like, “a little to the left”) while you’re getting down opens the door for more conversation about your sexual needs, says Brame.
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Step 3: Assess the sex move together
After trying out the new sex move that you’ve had your mind on for so long, it might be the time to assess it, if it satisfied you like you wanted it to. After trying the sex move you’ve been craving, or at least discussing it, ask for explicit feedback from him, says McDevitt.
However, if you find that the move is hotter in theory than it is in real life (IRL), or your partner really wasn’t into it, it’s cool to let it be, says Brame.
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That might not necessarily be your fault because nothing everything that sounds so good in books and TV is that good why you try it out.
It’s totally okay to laugh at yourself during sex, it helps your relationship, especially when you are trying new things in bed, sometimes it gets so funny, laugh with each other.
“Just because you try fuzzy handcuffs once doesn’t mean you’ll need to be bound every time you have sex from now on,” says Van Kirk.
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