Good morning world,
I’m beginning to get used to this Monday morning posts, maybe it can help me get out of my writer’s block if that’s what is wrong with me at this point.
Looks like we’ve settled well into our new domain and host(oniranu.com and deolububble.com).
What I want to talk about has affected most of us at some point in time, even yours truly, my humble self. Girls & their girlfriends, the way girls and their girlfriends mix isn’t different from how guys relate as well.
As with both sexes, some guys put up their girlfriend for discussion, the discussion here most times might because of a little fight, the usual “Can you imagine” scenario. At this point, the guy essentially asks for his friends’ opinion on what he should do based on what he just narrated to his friends.
With these scenarios, there are usual two school of thoughts, some guys believe you should just break up with the girl, no long thing, break the damn thing off, and others just call for more civil discussion, those ones are called woman wrapper, or mugu.
Today, I want to write about the female part which is the one I have suffered from more than once. About 8 years or so ago, I didn’t even know it has been that long, I was dating someone schooling in another state, quite close too, she was schooling at Ogun state while I was in Lagos, no big deal right. We didn’t see as often as possible and things were fine from my point of view but apparently, it wasn’t from her point of view.
We talked everyday and I thought we were in a very good place in my mind’s eye but apparently we weren’t, after we finished speaking one night, she sent me a text that she doesn’t think this relationship is going where she wants it to. After a couple more hours of discussion, she said it was what her friends told her, that how our relationship is wasn’t how relationships are, long story short, her friends advised her to break up with me and she did because to her, they proved to her beyond reasonable doubt that her relationship was awful.
In this case, you might call her weak or any other word you like, I was hurt and sad for a while but I got over it, she wanted us to get back together but I didn’t want it, I missed the conversations sha, but its better, I hurt and get over it and move on.
Like I have said in previous posts, marriage/relationships are like fingerprints, they may be look the same but they’re different in their own ways. After this happened, I didn’t tell my friends about that but they noticed my night calls had stopped, so we spoke about it, months later, it was for laughs and jeers at this point but there was another relationships that all my friends didn’t like, infact they offered to help me break it off if I couldn’t, story for another day like Jimi Disu says.
I think ladies need to be careful of how much advice they take from their supposed friends, I know they want the best for you but you need to be careful as well. The second time it happened to me, I was so withdrawn but I was beginning to open up bit by bit and then she called off the relationship. I can understand that being like this can be frustrating, very frustrating and I am very sorry about it.
Like my previous relationship, it was ill advice from friends, that her relationship is very unhealthy. One of the friends that advised her to do this has to come and cook for her boyfriend thrice a week who lives in Yaba and she stays in Ikorodu and she isn’t allowed to sleep over.
The other friend is married and bullied into every decision of her life by her husband. It is funny that people who have these relationships can advise someone else to dump their relationship while they try their best to make theirs work out.
I know I said no two relationships are identical, that perhaps those friends are happy in their own relationship. That is fine but why ill advise someone else when you know how much you’ve been through yourself to make yours work, sometimes relationships are tough no doubt but your relationship is your relationship, the best person to speak to about your relationship is your partner, not a third partner at least not until it becomes a full blown war.
Many ladies have been ill advised by friends who have their own rings into dumping a relationship at times when these relationships become rough, and these happens a lot of times. Some friends are enemies, more like “frenemies”. They look like friends but aren’t, they don’t want your happiness, they keep the sacrifices they make for their relationship hidden while they tarnish and destroy yours, some of the sacrifices they make will shock you to your bone marrow if you knew.
The same friends that receive slaps occasionally in private will ask you to leave your boyfriend because he walked out on you when he was angry. As ladies, the urge to tell-all to friends about your relationship has to drop; you need to censor your relationship talks. Most times those kind of ladies only tell you the sweet part of their relationship, not the demon they deal with when he isn’t so great.
The same ladies who are married are the ones picking boyfriends for you, telling you the one that can work and the ones that can’t work because they “know” you better than anyone.
The truth is relationship are different, some relationship blossoms right from the beginning while others take a while to blossom, just because it isn’t blossoming now doesn’t mean it won’t soon enough (I know that’s a lot of blossoms in one paragraph).
Another thing, ladies, please stop psycho-analyzing a guy, just ask like a normal person, don’t try to figure out what he is trying to do before he does it. If you have an issue with him, talk to HIM about it, not your friends. Some friends are honest and truthful, I will grant you that one but what about the rest?
As guys, some of us are stubborn, they will never paint their partners or spouses bad no matter what signals you’re picking from the terrorist girlfriends. From him to you will always be about how strong and supportive she is and for some ladies too, they have these traits.
I can remember a certain lady who was coming to meet me up at lunch at an eatery in Ilupeju with her friends few years back, she took a separate cab and got in earlier, dashed in, hugged me and put some cash in my back pocket went outside to bring in her friends.
The truth was I didn’t have the money to cover for those other mouths, she knew and she dealt with it, she refused us speaking about that scene till tomorrow.
My advice is if you’re really interested in building a good relationship with your partner, when you have issues, talk with him. Let him know, don’t take his matter to the altar of your friends to dissect and dismantle because most times nothing good will come off it.
I heard about a scenario of 3 female friends who are all single or so they claim, they hang out together and have fun, mostly also talk about how guys are monsters. Next weekend at the beach, one of their friends got proposed to from a guy she told them was just a friend, and she said YES!
So, ladies my advice is let your private life be private, there is a Yoruba proverb that loosely translates to all lizards crawl on their belly, there is no way to tell the one with stomach ache.
Have a nice week ahead!
‘Deolu
This post has already been read 16341 times!
