“I know you’re leaving,” I say, and now the tears trickle from my eyes as I look up. As my eyes meet yours once more, this time, your eyes flinch away from mine. “Don’t lie to me. You are. When were you going to tell me?”
“I…I…” You hesitate, and it dawns on me that you weren’t going to tell me anything.
“I saw the note you were writing to me, to tell me. When were you going to give that to me?” It comes out as a whisper, a whisper of shocked disbelief and betrayal that you could do that to me. You say nothing. Nothing at all.
“You weren’t, were you?” I whisper. “You were going to leave it for me”. You weren’t going to tell me at all, and that pain that was beyond anything I’ve ever imagined is nothing to the anguish that tears through me in that moment of utter betrayal.
“Why now?” you ask, at last, and I have no idea why you ask that, now. What does that matter, compared to that betrayal of us? Of our love, except that now I know it was my love, not our love, and there was never yours.
I have no idea what you’re really feeling. What do you think? What do I mean to you, really? Your face displays pain. Anguish. Heartbreak. But is it real, or is it just a mask? A show? An act? Your love for me was an act, and I believed you. I believed in you.
In you and me, and that was nothing but a figment of my imagination. Your love for me, anyhow. My love for you is all too real.
All too agonizing.
“Why now?” you ask me, again, and it’s a nonsensical question. What does that matter, compared to your betrayal?
“Her,” I say, and I look. You look at me, and sudden shock writes itself across your face because you know who she is. Your wife. We both look. My eyes meet hers, and I can see the hurt there, the pain, and the love. She’s your wife, she loves you too, you’ve betrayed both of us, but she’ll take you back. She’ll forgive you as I cannot.
“How could you?” I say, at last, and all the pain, all the anguish, the agony, the betrayal, it’s all contained and poured into those three words, but I can see on your face that there will be no answer from you.
You were going to leave me. Abandon me. You didn’t want to face me and tell me. You were going to leave me to suffer through that agony without a word of explanation, and now? Now that you’re face to face with the reality of what you’ve done?
You say nothing.
You’re not dancing anymore. Not moving. You’re frozen, your arms around me, and the music fades away, leaving silence, and even if I could take you from her, I don’t want you. You lied to me. You betrayed me, as well as her, and she may want you, but even though I love you, I can’t betray myself. I won’t betray myself.
“I… I…” For once, you’re lost for words. My eyes hold yours until you look away.
“It’s over,” I say. “Go now,” and I slip from your arms, step back, and it’s over.
I watch you turn. You turn, and you walk away from me, towards her. I know that for you, they were only words, words you used on me. For me, you were my first love, and my heart is broken glass. My eyes follow you out the door, and then you’re gone.
For you, I was just a bit on the side, that’s all I was.
The door closes, and you’re gone from me forever. And for me? For me, it’s the end of love. The end of everything I’d hoped for.
But for you, it’s nothing special. Only the end of the affair.
The End
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