Over the next several weeks, my mom saw quite a bit of Tope both on the weekends and during the week. He always stayed the night and I was consistently treated to sounds of my mother getting relentlessly ploughed by him.
It became so commonplace that I learned to sleep through it. My mom would insist that Tope leave very early in the morning before I awoke because
“I don’t want Nneka to know that we are sleeping together, yet.” (I heard her say this to Tope through the bedroom wall on multiple occasions, unbeknownst to her).
During this time, I typically saw Tope when he watched TV with us or when he picked up my mom for a date. He continued his penetrating stares at me, which, in itself, wasn’t too big of a deal. What became a problem is how “touchy-feely” he became around me.
It started out with innocent kisses on the cheek, followed by long hugs, and eventually inappropriate touching. By inappropriate touching, I mean stroking my hair, grabbing my hand or arm, and even patting my behind sometimes. Tope always did it very subtly and usually when my mom was not in the room.
Since I was young, I really didn’t know how to respond to it and my Mom was obviously on cloud nine with this guy so I certainly didn’t want to say anything to screw up her relationship. I decided I could handle it for the sake of my mom’s happiness.
***
One Saturday night, I heard my Mom and Tope come in real late. They were really loud and I could tell they had been drinking a lot. My Mom actually sounded worse than Tope (she could never handle her alcohol very well) as she was slurring her words loudly and stumbling around. Things became quiet pretty quick and I wondered if they had fallen asleep. I rose from my bed and peeked out my bedroom door which I always kept slightly cracked.
I peered out just in time to see Tope carrying my passed-out mom into her bedroom. Someone’s not getting any action tonight, I laughed to myself as I slid back into bed and eventually fell asleep.
I’m not sure how much time had passed before I was awoken later that night by another noise. Lying in silence, I waited to hear the noise again. As usual, I was sleeping on my stomach and was too tired to turn over to investigate.
Several seconds later, I heard the noise again. Absolute PANIC swept through my body as I realized that someone was in my bedroom!
I was paralyzed with fear as I heard a person kneel next to me. My mind started to race. I was certain it wasn’t my Mom since she always made every effort to respect my privacy and would have certainly knocked on my door to wake me before entering. Plus, considering how drunk I saw her earlier, I knew she’d be passed out. When the strong combination of cigarettes and Aventos cologne hit my nostrils, a feeling of terror arose from the pit of my stomach. I realized that it could only be one person- my mom’s boyfriend, Tope.
I don’t know how much time passed (maybe a minute or so?) as I pretended to be fast asleep- heavy, rhythmic breathing and all. What in God’s name is he doing in here?
I could “sense” him staring at me which was quite unnerving. It was almost as if he was deciding what he wanted to do. Eventually, I could feel my comforter and bed sheet methodically being pulled off my bed and from my body. He took his time with this task and appeared to be taking every precaution not to wake me.
I could feel the adrenaline being pumped into my bloodstream but I was way too scared to react in any proactive way. I felt weak and powerless.
Tope finally pulled off the last bit of covers and there I was dressed solely in my “BTS” T-shirt and blue, cotton panties. I felt extremely vulnerable and was hoping it was all a bad dream.
All of a sudden, my butt felt cool and I realized that Tope had pulled up my T-shirt. I next felt warm fingers slide inside my panties and over my butt. He was stroking my butt cheeks and lower back in a gentle, circular fashion with his fingers. I cringed as I thought of this old, perverted man touching my body. If I haven’t been so scared, I think I would have cried.
Soon, I felt a second hand move in under my panties as he continued to massage my ass. Goosebumps started to form on my bottom and lower back and I was shocked to realize that his touches felt sort of pleasant.
Tope eventually moved his fingers down into my butt crack. I bit my lip as one hand gently pulled one butt cheek to the side while the other delicately rubbed the area around my anus with a finger. My breathing became more rapid. He seemed to be making little circles around my anus. On one hand, I was kind of disgusted, yet the fact of the matter was that he was starting to make me very wet no matter how much I tried to ignore it. I was confused by this reaction of my body.
His hand subsequently slid down into the area between my anus and my pussy which he manipulated for a while. Without realizing it, I parted my legs ever so slightly. I was praying that Tope didn’t notice how my body was responding.
Suddenly and without warning, his other hand moved down also, moved my panties aside, and started rubbing my pussy firmly. Tope seemed to know exactly what he was doing as he carefully caressed my clit and lips. If he was surprised by the excited state of my cunt, he didn’t act like it. Electrical shocks went through my body as one hand stroked my clit while the other fingered my pussy. I was losing track of time.
Tope continued to expertly finger-fuck me for a few more minutes, while he manipulated my clit with his other hand. As he thrust with his fingers, I eventually found myself slightly thrusting back with my ass. I couldn’t help myself. I wasn’t thinking about anything at this point except the pleasure. It is amazing to me how I was able to keep quiet through it all.
Just then, a loud thump came from my mom’s bedroom. This must have frightened Tope for he quickly pulled away and exited my bedroom. I subsequently heard the faint squeak of my bedroom door closing behind Tope.
In stunned disbelief, I turned over, pulled down my t-shirt, and finally opened my eyes. I crawled along my bed to find the covers but stopped when I felt a damp spot on the bed. I had really made a mess of the sheets.
I cleaned myself off with a spare pillowcase and then laid a clean pillowcase over the wet spot. Sliding back into bed, I pulled the covers up to my neck. I didn’t know what to think, feel, or do. What just happened was a disaster! I just wanted to sleep.
Suddenly, in one quick motion, I threw off the covers, scurried to my bedroom door, and locked it. I returned to my bed feeling a little more secure but knowing deep down that everything had changed.
***
By the time I awoke the next morning, Tope was gone as usual and my mom was in the kitchen making breakfast. I went downstairs into the kitchen even though I wasn’t very hungry.
“Good morning, Sweety,” my mom greeted me as she cooked some eggs on the stove. She looked like hell. Obviously hung over, her hair was a tangled mess, her face was pale, and her eyes were bloodshot.
I sat down at the table and asked lethargically, “Hungover, mom?”
My mom turned around quickly, “Is it THAT obvious, Nneka?”
“Yes.”
“Well, I guess I have to start watching how much I drink. I don’t want Tope to think I’m razz!” my mom chuckled.
“As he should talk,” I whispered sarcastically under my breath.
“What, Sweety?” my mom asked.
“Nothing, mom. I just said I think I’ll go for a walk.”
“Oh, you don’t want any eggs?”
“No thanks,” I rose from the table and left.
***
I was still in shock two days later as I contemplated what had happened to me. To make matters worse, Tope was coming over to watch a movie with us later that night after work; the first time I would see him since “the night”. Briefly, I considered telling my mom about what had happened. The guy was obviously a pervert and my mom needed to know.
But I couldn’t bring myself to do it for several reasons. First, I was way too scared- what if she didn’t believe me? I just knew that Tope would deny it ever happened and I certainly couldn’t prove it. It was simply his word against mine and I was horrified to put my mom through that.
Second, it would absolutely wreck the first successful relationship that my mom had been in since Dad passed away. She had not been this happy in years and it would be a shame to ruin it for her.
Finally, something that probably bothered me more than anything was that I was ashamed of the way my body had responded to him. It was like I couldn’t control my reactions. Did I encourage it in some way? It seemed pretty stupid to accuse someone of molesting you if you actually enjoyed it! How could I be disgusted by someone on one hand but turned on by him on the other hand?? Maybe I’m going crazy, I thought.
In the end, I decided to act as if nothing had happened and to avoid him. Tope never knew that I was awake that night, so he doesn’t know that I know what he did. And what is the chance that he will try it again? In fact, Tope very well could have been very drunk (like my mom) that night and didn’t realize what he was doing. I rationalized that it could have been a terrible mistake. As long as I stayed away from him and locked my bedroom door at night, there should be no more problems in the future. Unfortunately, this is the type of naive thinking that only a 19-year-old girl would believe.
***
Tope came by as expected later that night. As he noticed me on the love seat in the living room, a shit-eating grin appeared on his face. I did my best not to make eye contact with him.
“Hi Nneka!” he announced in a confident tone of voice as he walked over in front of me.
“Hi,” I answered flatly stretching my head around him to see the TV. “Do you mind? I’m trying to watch the movie!”
My mom spoke up from the couch, “Nneka, rewind the movie so Tope can watch it from the beginning. I’m going to get Tope a drink. I’ll be right back.”
Tope sat down on the couch after giving my mom a kiss on the cheek in passing. As usual, he just stared at me as the tape rewound.
He took a quick look back at the kitchen and then spoke to me in a hushed tone, “Nneka… I know you were awake Saturday night.”
My stomach jumped. “What are you talking about?” I answered staring blanking at the TV.
“C’mon, Nneka. I know you enjoyed what I did to you and I’m going to do a lot more to you.”
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