Written By Eric Authur & Tosin Silver
”Com’on! I know what’s at stake here!” he screamed at the top of his voice.
”Jared, Jared,” The man in the expensive suit shook his head, maintaining eye contact with the lean figure in front of him. ”You talk like you do, but you’re not acting like it.”
”You know you can’t keep on treating me like shit!” Jared blasted back.
”I pay your bills and…”
The sounds from the movie declined gradually until it came to full mute. I turned my head and looked across my naked shoulder to see Funke with the TV remote.
She smiled and walked towards the couch where I sat. I looked back at the screen and watched the inaudible mouth movements of the characters. I knew we were going to have a long talk.
”What do you think I should do about it?” her voice killed the silence.
”What?” I tilted my head backwards.
”What I told you about joh,” she paused, ”About Tunde and Peter ” She continued.
I ran my fingers across my chin, pretending to be in deep thought. Tunde was her boyfriend, who she was close to breaking up with. She had already put it in motion.
Peter was another guy that had been disturbing her with proposals of love. She was confused on whether to hold on to Tunde or accept Peter.
Funke and I have been friends for a while, at least for close to a year. In this short time, she had told me virtually everything there was to know about her. She even told me things I thought were not normal for her to tell me. She was the freaky type, very freaky, with broad lips and almost square facial structure.
Her eyes popped out a bit, which gave her a younger look than her age suggested. She was light complexioned naturally, complimented by the expensive body lotions she owned and had a dark spot very close to her lips. She claimed it had been there right from the day she was born.
We met on Facebook and we instantly became enemies. She made a comment about how guys forget that it’s their responsibility to take care of all their girlfriend’s needs. I replied angrily and said some things that must have hurt her.
We were always at each other’s necks from then on, It all ended when I passed a compliment on her profile picture. She only replied me out of all the guys who were drooling over the picture, trying their best to sound nice.
After that, I hit her inbox and she replied. We talked a lot and I discovered that she was even in my school. That’s how we became good friends. We became close, you would think we were dating or at least having sex but we weren’t doing either.
I was always careful to make sure her boyfriends never suspected anything between us. I rarely saw her when her boyfriends were around. We did this to help keep the trust in her relationships because honestly, anybody who saw us together would find it hard
believing we weren’t in some kind of relationship.
Have I ever imagined fucking her brains out? Yes! I have. I just hadn’t found the way to do it. To be sincere, it was better that there was nothing more between us. We were too close to being more than friends. Things would definitely go wrong. This puts more weight on the argument on the good side of self friend-zoning.
Not every friend-zone is bad, as long as you have the key to get out of that friend-zone. Well, I didn’t.
”Atleast say something Bobby.” She scowled me back into reality
”Why don’t you take your mind off this for a moment, dear” I said to her.
”What if…” She interrupted
”Look, I already told you to wait a while. See if Tunde is still interested in you first. Has he even called you today? What if he has already concluded the break-up in his mind? Just take this slow.” I pleaded
”You know, maybe you’re right. I should take my mind off it.” She agreed with me
”Better” I seconded.
”Then, you know what else?” A suspicious smile formed across her face.
I adjusted on the couch and looked directly at her. ”What are you thinking?” I asked.
”You.” She said
”Me?”
”Yes you,” She continued. ”You promised to tell me how you got dis-virgined.”
She walked closer to me and put her hands on my shoulder, running it down my chest. My heart stopped beating. I knew she was toying with me.
”Who even told you that I’m still not a virgin? Good boy like me…” I said to her face.
”So what about all those girls that you invite over? Or you’re now a pastor that conducts night vigils in your room?” She teased.
”Taah! Which girls? How would you know sef? Do you even step out of this room when them oga dem are around?” I shot back, laughing.
She slowly removed her hands from my shoulders.
”I want to have my bath,” Funke announced as she walked away from me.
”Maybe a quick shower will calm my nerves”.
”You sound like you need someone to help you out.” I grinned.
”With what?”
”Scrubbing? Or whatever it is that you girls do in there for two hours.”
”Ahn Ahn! I don’t take that long in the bathroom, Bobby, ” She countered. ”Point out one time that i’ve spent two hours bathing”
”Calm down ooh, I didn’t really mean two hours. But when last did you spend less than ten minutes in the shower?” I said, pointing an accusing finger.
She playfully hit my finger away and searched her brain for a perfect come-back.
”Ten minutes!? You don’t want me to wash myself well, right? You don’t want my boyfriend to give me head again abi?” She fought back.
”So that’s what you spend so much time washing, ehn?” I smiled. ”I never knew you were the head-loving type.”
She blushed a bit before she replied. ”Well, urrm, I just started liking it. I guess others didn’t know how to do it well. Why am I even telling you this?” She jolted to her feet and strode towards her towel rack.
I stared at her bum as it jiggled in the ash, partly transparent leggings she wore. Her blue pantie outline was clearly visible. This show lasted till her previously hiked t-shirt fell over her round bum. That ass was her selling point.
With the show ended, I continued the conversation.
”So I take it that Tunde is very good at it?”
”I didn’t mention Tunde, did I?” She shot back, smiling.
”Uh oh, So theres… ”
”Don’t start your naughty insinuations now.” She cut me short.
”Okay then,” I laughed out quite loud. ”So Mr. Head is really good at it then?”
”You this boy… You just want me to talk”
”Well?”
”Well, let’s just say that if the person knows what he’s doing, that’s when he can make the girl like it. I can rate them and…”
”Why not tell me where I stand then?” I interrupted.
”You? How? There’s no basis for me to rate you on nah.” She was still smiling.
”I could give you one and you could rate me”
”Woah woah woah… Private property Siren blowing.. Don’t over step on private property”, She did a little swirl with her mouth, laughing hysterically.
”I won’t over step, i will just step, cross my heart.” I tried not to sound too serious.
”Mr naughty, let me just go have my bath now, or you’ll never let me have one if I continue staying here.” She turned to leave, carrying a neat white towel in her hand. I just smiled as she walked away laughing.
I was on her bed replying some messages when the cracking sound of her bathroom door broke the peaceful silence. I looked towards the bathroom and realized that Funke was done bathing.
The sparkling white towel was around her naked body and looked rather short on her. Her fair skin glistened with freshness and the perfume of her soap filled the air. She had green shower cap on her head and the clothes she was wearing before were now in her hands. She went towards her laundry basket and threw them in.
I couldn’t help but look. I watched each step she took and it all seemed to happen in slow motion. As her legs lift up a few inches, I strained my eyes to look up at what I could see, just more fresh thighs came into view. She had never allowed me see her naked before, unless some few slips, which American paparazzi would call wardrobe malfunction.
What sophisticated terminology to address a simple dress slip, huh?
Meanwhile, she looked back at me and noticed me staring. ”You know this is the part where I tell you to excuse me, right?”
I smiled. ”Look, I have a choice. I can choose to go or not. Besides, can’t you just dress up in the bathroom?”
”Ha! In my own room again? Until I scream that you want to see private property abi?” She laughed.
”You only dropped your leggings and t-shirt. I thought you had blue panties on before.”
”Ehn? How did you know I had blue panties on? You were looking at another man’s thing eh? Wetin carry your eyes go there? Anyway, I washed it in the bathroom. Oya please give me five minutes.”
I gave a nod and obliged. One day I was going to not only see all she was hiding, but also touch and enter. That was the new mission. She just turned the heat on.
I knew the routine. Whenever she wanted to dress up, she liked being alone. Even her boyfriends sometimes had to stay outside.
Wife dey hide pot of soup from her husband wey put the money down?
Well, maybe it’s to let him have limited access to the soup, so that he won’t get used to it and lose his desire for such taste.
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