The next two weeks of August passed quickly and without much happening. Chisom and I talked every other day. Sometimes we had short, routine phone calls, and other times I went home for dinner, or she came to my apartment, and we kept talking.
She casually mentioned that therapy was really helping her, but she didn’t share the details, so I didn’t ask. Without talking much about it, she assumed I was still seeing Anita regularly, and I let her think that. Actually, I often thought about Afi and her invite. Mostly, I just enjoyed remembering our time together. She had helped me start healing, and I hoped I had helped her at least a little bit too.
Without telling Chisom, I kept checking the recorders in the house every few days. Nothing was alarming, just regular work or family calls. I hoped to remove the recorders eventually, but I wasn’t ready to do that yet.
On the last Wednesday of August, I met with Chisom. “Chisom, we need to pick up the kids on Sunday, so we should discuss where we’ll stay.” She nodded and looked serious, signaling me to go on.
Here’s what will happen: I will move back home for a few reasons. But I need to explain what that means and what it doesn’t.
She gave me a careful but happy smile. “Baby, I’m really glad you’re coming back home.”
“I don’t want to be away from the kids or scare them for no reason. They’ll have to deal with that if we end up getting divorced. But for now, I want to pretend that everything is okay between us. I’d hate to let them know why you and I are not in a good place, you are still their mother after all.”
I continued, “Just because I moved back in doesn’t mean everything’s okay. I would be sleeping in the guestroom.” She tried to protest but went quiet after what seemed like a second thought.
I can tell them that my work schedule has changed, and I’ll be working on projects late into the night. I’ll be sleeping in the guest room often, so I don’t disturb you.
She nodded again. “That should work. I think they’ll believe it.”
“Okay, I’ll move my stuff back in over the next few days so the house will be ready by Sunday.” I saw Chisom smiling at me, but then her smile faded. “Kunle, what does this mean……I mean moving back home mean for you and Anita?”
“I’m still seeing Chisom, but I won’t bring her here. We’ll just meet up elsewhere.” I decided to play along with my make-believe girlfriend.
**********
Our drive to pick up the kids was nice and seeing them again was really touching. We missed them a lot, probably more than they missed us. Given the problems in our marriage, we were even happier to see them.
The first few weeks of the new school year were great. Chisom and I enjoyed being a family again. We had missed the kids, and being parents together felt normal and easy, even though her affair had made our relationship difficult. It was nice to be parents together without constantly dealing with emotional issues.
Our life as a couple was still tough. While our everyday activities were usually nice, anything involving emotional or sexual closeness was like walking through a minefield. One wrong move, and the pain would come back. Even if Chisom made a special meal, wore an outfit I liked, or acted extra thoughtful, I couldn’t help but wonder if she was doing it out of love for me or because she felt guilty. I decided to talk to Chisom about something I’d been thinking about for a long time.
**********
I chose a Saturday when both our kids would be out with their friends. I asked Chisom if we could have a picnic at the park. She was surprised because we hadn’t been there since I found out about her affair. She quickly understood that I had something important to talk about.
“Okay, baby,” she said, unsure. She saw me smile, and I said, “I thought it would be a good place to talk.” This made her even more nervous, but she agreed to go.
When we arrived at the park, we laid out our blanket and had lunch, chatting about random things. Chisom was nervous, expecting something bad to happen. Finally, she said, “I know you have something important to say, Kunle. Can you just tell me? Waiting like this is too hard.”
“Alright,” I said. “Here’s the thing. Since I found out about your affair, I’ve been upset because our marriage, the way I knew and loved it, is gone forever. I wanted back what we had, but I know that’s impossible anymore.”
“Well, I’m still sad, but I accept that our marriage is over. The marriage we had is gone. We can either start a new kind of marriage or end it completely.”
I told Chisom that our old marriage is over, just like how my life changed after my mother’s death. We’ve both been unfaithful, and our new relationship will be different and likely painful. Despite this, we need to try to move forward together, accepting that our past marriage is gone. Chisom, with tears in her eyes, seemed to feel responsible for the end of our old relationship.
“I guess I’ve been holding on to the hope that we could rebuild that trust someday. But I see now that you’re right. What do you want me to do?”
I looked at her with a small smile. “I think we have three things to do. First, we need to stop pretending. We keep avoiding tough topics and painful moments, hoping they’ll just go away, but that doesn’t work. When you held my hand and kissed it the other day, like you used to, it reminded me of the last time we were here at the park. That was the day I found out about your affair, and it hurt a lot.”
I saw her look surprised and sad. Then she nodded and asked, “What are the other two things, babe?”
“One, it is time to make love again. After your escapade, you are clearly in need of a sexual cleansing that only I can give you. It’s time I rid you of your sin and guilt. Time for me to make you new again. Born again, some might say.”
She gave me a shy smile and said, “I really want that too. I miss your touch, so much!”
“Lastly, we will take a week off, maybe in October. We could ask your parents to stay at our place and take care of the kids since they enjoy doing that. I want us to go somewhere nice and warm with a beach, and a place we haven’t been to before. It’s time to make new memories.”
“I love the idea, baby!” Then she looked at me seriously and said, “You haven’t talked about your anger at all. We both know you’re still angry, I see it clearly and it’s scary.”
“Yes, you’re right. I still have those moments, and I probably will for a while, but they seem to be happening less often. There’s just one more small thing I need to tell you, Chisom.”
I looked right at her. “I am forgiving you for the sake of our children and the unforgettable sacrifices you had made for me for the past 16 years we have been together. But honestly, I’m finding it hard to trust you again, and it will take some time. If you ever break my trust again, if you cheat or lie, rest assured, we’re done.”
“They say ‘once a cheater, always a cheater.’ I’m not sure if that’s true. I hope for your sake, it isn’t true. But if it is, oh well.” I paused for a moment, trying to calm down, and then I sighed.
Chisom moved closer, took my hand, and checked to see if I was okay with it. She then said, “I owe you honesty and loyalty. I messed up big time before, but I promise not to do that again if you give me another chance. I’ll do whatever it takes and whatever you ask to win back your trust.”
We sat quietly for a few more minutes, with Chisom holding my hand. Then I said to her, “I was thinking about stopping over at Lanre and Adaora’s place. But if we leave now and go home, we’d have a couple of hours alone before the kids come back.”
Chisom smiled and said with a wink, “Let’s go home baby, we would see them another time!”
**********
That afternoon, sex with Chisom felt both amazing and weird. We took everything slowly and carefully.
We both felt like we should take our time, so we spent a long time on foreplay. I had a lot of painful thoughts and memories of Chisom and Chike, which I had to confront rather than ignore. The hardest part was when she was lying on her back, smiling and ready for me, and I was ready to penetrate her. She had been like this with him too, open, wet, and eager to be fucked by him.
It shocked me, and I paused for a moment. Chisom noticed the grown on my face and her smile faded. I tried to smile back, and then we both felt pleasure as I entered her. She was very ready, and it felt good.
Our sex was as slow as our foreplay. I wanted to savor every moment and feeling. I kept changing my speed and how deep I went, moving my hips in different ways, and alternating between fast and slow. We kept looking at each other, probably trying to reassure each other.
I leaned more onto Chisom, buried my face in her neck, and thrust harder and faster, letting the pleasure take over me. I felt her hands gripping my shoulders, heard her breathing heavily with each movement, and then I ejaculated into her with a loud groan.
After a minute, I slid out of her, and we lay there next to each other, holding each other and looking into each other’s eyes. There were no smiles; it felt very serious. This was nothing like the fun times we used to have. It felt more like a cleansing ritual of sorts. If that sounds a bit superstitious, that’s exactly how it felt.
Not smiling, Chisom put one hand on my cheek and said, “thank you, baby. I love you very much.” I smiled and then cuddled my wife.
**********
The weekend after we were intimate again, we had Lanre and Adaora over for a barbecue on Saturday. It was the first time the four of us were together since I learned about Chisom’s affair. I had seen Lanre and Adaora a few times, but I think Chisom felt too embarrassed to enjoy hanging out with them again.
The first few minutes were tense. We all knew we shouldn’t talk about Kunle and Chisom’s marriage. So, we talked about general things at first, until we started enjoying each other’s company. These were two of our favourite people. They had known us for a long time and cared about us. They were funny and smart. We laughed a lot and had a good time. I even noticed that Lanre was starting to like Desperados, my new favourite beer!
At one point the women went inside to prepare dessert and Lanre asked me quietly, “Things don dey better, abi?” I nodded. ” We still get long way to go, but we dey make progress. Make I thank you and Adaora again, for everything. Una don for us. Una don dey there for me, real friends, but una no commot Chisom for the matter. Thank you so much.”
He smiled and then jokingly said, “Like the Oyinbo talk, ‘What are Friends For’?”
**********
Over the next few weeks, we slowly went back to having sex regularly. To be honest, it wasn’t that great. We were both very careful. We had good sex, even had orgasms, and enjoyed it, but we didn’t experience the same joy we used to have with each other.
Chisom might have been thinking about Anita, but I think both Chisom and I were mostly afraid of my anger. My anger about her affair was strongest when I was in bed. Even though I never acted on it, it was always there. Whenever she was sucking my dick, I couldn’t stop imagining her doing the same to Chike, and it filled me with rage that could not be hidden.
When I was fucking her, whether in the missionary position or from behind, which I liked the most, I’d hear her say things like “I want you inside me” to him in my head. I had to put up with it and keep going. The only other choice was to pull away and leave the room.
One night after we had sex, I was lying on my back, looking at nothing. Chisom looked at me and said, “Baby, I’m really sorry for what you heard me say to Chike. I know saying sorry won’t change things, but I want you to know you’re the best lover I’ve ever had. I want your arms around me, your body next to mine, and you inside me, no one else. I’m truly sorry, baby.”
She stopped talking and cuddled up to me. I held her and rubbed her back. Some things are too hard to talk about.
Written by Sixtie 9ine
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